Hello, dear readers of this quietly-abandoned-but-then-hilariously-revived blog,
It’s been a while since the two of us talked. About a week since – wait. Those are not my words. And that was pretty pathetic way to start a blog post, even for my standards. I guess I’m still out of it. Let’s start again.
Hi! Remember me? I’m Judith. Currently 23, fulltime stressed out, parttime overwhelmed by life and occasionally surprised I’ve managed to keep myself alive for so long. I started this blog back in 2012 when I was stuck at home for mental health reasons, and have used it as my outlet for the past few years. Until past September, when life got in the way. It’s been a while since I posted on this blog. It’s been a while since I was active on social media. It’s even been a while since I opened a book for anything other than study purposes. The times where I spent my evenings lurking around Twitter, shouting about books and TV shows and random things slowly but surely became evenings I just do not have time for. Which is a shame. Yes, this is the post in which I tell you what I have been up to the past few months. If you are at all interested in that, that is. If not, that’s completely fine, and Ellis will be back soon with another brilliantly hilarious tag post or review of sorts. For now, I’m going to be egotistical and dedicate this entire post to talking about myself – something I should probably regret but definitely do not. Guess I haven’t lost the way I used to write reviews.
The past year for me has been positively, completely, absolutely insane. I started the third and final year of my bachelor’s in English Language and Culture. I have been working a parttime job as personal assistant to an independent publisher in Croatian literature. I’m still working for the student magazine I became involved with the previous year, but now as editor-in-chief and main person responsible if anything goes wrong. I moved out of my parents’ house and am still trying my hand at adulting (something I’m not very good at). But most of all, I made the conscious decision to not let anxiety and depression guide my life anymore, and make real life friends outside of the group I’ve trusted for years. That’s going with ups and downs, and I’m still not at the point where I can manage living healthily on my own, but I will get there. Hopefully. Thank you for Emery Lord for inspiring me and making me realize what I was (and sometimes still am) doing wrong: “Other people can’t knock down the walls you’ve built, no matter how much they love you. You have to tear them down yourself because there’s something worth seeing on the other side.” (Open Road Summer)
As a result, I think this is my most egocentrical year yet. And to be completely honest, I don’t think that is a bad thing. I really needed it. Also, for a large part, I’ve had no choice. But because this year has thrown me off balance in such a major way, I’ve pretty much been the worst friend ever, and I really do regret that. I’m very lucky that I have a few close friends who continue to be there for me, even when I’m the asshole that doesn’t reply to their messages for weeks because I’m just trying to get through work and life. I definitely haven’t deserved that kind of kindness. I’m not trying to make excuses or get sympathy or any of that; I just wanted to talk about it and say that I’m very thankful for these people. To those of you I haven’t talked to in forever: I’m sorry. Please know that it’s not personal and that I really want to be a better friend again, but I don’t know how. I’m still working on trying to find a balance in my life, and the rest of the year is definitely not going to slow down. I really am sorry. You are still amazing and wonderful and I’m so happy I met you.
Blogging-wise, I decided to just not care too much about it anymore. As much as I wish I still had the time to read a book a week (or even at all), I just really don’t. Or as a result of me trying to tackle my issues in life (ha), I also prioritize differently. And at this point, I’m fine with that. This doesn’t mean I don’t still love books and blogging and all the friends I’ve made in this community. It doesn’t mean I’m not still grateful for the work I’ve gotten to do with publishers and authors and fellow bloggers. That I won’t come back. For now, I will only blog occasionally, if I have time and if I want to. But if anything, it helped me figure out my life. I applied for a master’s in publishing and editing. If anything, book blogging helped me rethink my love for books and discover that I would love nothing more than to work with them. But first, I have to write my bachelor thesis, publish three more magazine as editor-in-chief, hopefully start a new job soon so I can pay for life, move house (I’m only subletting at the moment), oh, and actually get into the program.
So that is what is up with me. It might be weird that I am even posting this, but I just wanted to let any of you who are interested know. And we all know that I have a tendency to just ramble on about things and post random stuff on here. I really do miss it, but I have to make different priorities right now. Will I be blogging in the future? Who even knows. Will I actively try to be better at social media and a better friend? Yes. Will I succeed? Ha. I guess we will see about that. But I have to put my school and work and mental health first, and I hope you understand.
So much love to all of the amazing people I met through blogging. You are the best.